Every since I was a little girl I've wanted to be in theatre. On the stage, off the stage, writing for the stage--it didn't really matter, I just wanted to be a part of the magic that captivated me early on in life. So I've spent the last twenty years pursuing that dream, inhabiting make believe worlds and walking in different people's shoes, learning how to be everyone but myself. In graduate school, when presented with the opportunity to perform a role that changed my life I realized something that I'd missed in every acting class, every scene study and every rehearsal process until then. I was never going to be good at playing another person until I knew my own part. Until I knew who I was, I could never know anyone else.
That's a pretty humbling realization. To know that up until that point I was spending my days trying to be the person I thought I should be and not the person I was. I'd lost myself somewhere along the way, in the pursuit of my dreams, in relationships, in insecurities, and in day to day life---and now I was ready to find myself. Not in an Eat, Pray, Love metaphysical, philosophical, soul-searching kind of way, but in the way that I was confident would make me a better artist, writer and person in the long run.
So I started writing again. As honestly as I could. As vulnerably as I could. I wanted to track all the should-be's I've encountered so far and the stories that have come from them in order to figure out who I am. What you see is my search. I believe that honesty bridges connection and that we're all made a little better if we can see ourself in another person. So here it is, here I am. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the weird and the embarrassing.
Shatter the should-be's. How to be.